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I am aware of the change of rhythms that comes with the arrival of summer, fall, spring and winter.

I have learned how to embrace it and know how to “play” with the rhythm of nature. Therefore,  I vary the strategies to meet my needs according to these transitions. It is so important to make the difference between a strategy and a need. This is one of the basics of NCV and yet, even the most advanced of us still have to come back to the basics once in a while.

When we get so attached to HOW my needs must be met, when we get stuck in ‘having it my own way, and only one way’, it leaves us in a position of either:

  1. Depending on the other or others for my needs being met, or
  2. Being in complete rejection of them to avoid being hurt.

This is so not how we want to be in our own lives, and certainly not the kind of energy we want to be bringing into our important relationships. (I can tell you my closest friends are relieved that I can make this distinction!!!)

So let’s revisit the difference between a strategy and a need for a moment:

 

Needs:

NVC refers to “needs” in relation to our basic human motivations. All living beings have these same fundamental motivations for survival and fulfillment.

Examples: love, connection, empathy, freedom, lightness, etc.

For the entire (and soooo useful) list of Feelings and needs click here: https://spiralis.ca/en/ressources/

 

Strategy:

Actions taken in an attempt to meet a universal human need. Various strategies can meet the same need.

Examples: a hug from a friend, calling a friend to chat, getting take out for dinner, etc.

 

Needs are the focal point of the entire NVC process. It is the awareness of needs that allows each person to obtain a greater clarity on what is alive within them at all times. Needs awareness is also the most powerful way to create connection with others.

There are a multitude of possible strategies to meet every need. When we are connected to our needs, strategies generally present themselves naturally from a source of energy and creativity.

Let’s look at the difference between needs and strategies.

My husband/boyfriend and I have chosen to go on a road trip and rent a nice hotel room for a night or 2.
I am craving connection and closeness with those that I love.

I choose to extend my vacation of 2 more days and simply stay home, read my book and enjoy the pool all by myself.
I need “me time” to relax, rest and do things for myself after a family vacation

I think I will wake up 15 minutes earlier every morning to meditate.
I need calm and relaxation after a crazy COVID year.

So I have decided to take the bike to go to work this whole week.
I would like to find time to move more and give my body what it needs to be healthy.

I finish 30 minutes earlier everyday and bring them at the park after work to connect with them and fully enjoy beautiful days of summer.
I need better balance and equilibrium in how I spend time during the summer, at work and with my kids.

Because I want to be connected to my full energy of life (my needs) AND my desire to have certain things happen in particular ways, I’m most excited about connecting to my need and then moving forward with effective strategies!

If you are curious to know more about needs and strategies related to the change of seasons and personal rhythm as we transition into fall, register to our FREE conference.

If you are interested in deepening your self awareness of needs and strategies, the Authentic Dialogue Basics class is for you.